Alcohol, ADHD Meds & Me - Losing Friends & Finding Myself
Giving up alcohol was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself, but if I'm being completely honest, it came with a cost I wasn’t prepared for. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it took a lot of guts. But the biggest surprise? Slowly losing friends along the way. That part hit me hard & it still makes me sad sometimes.
The big realisation I had a few months in, when you stop drinking, some of your friends will naturally fade away & some... well, you don't need to lose them, but you will. That’s the tough part, that’s the bit nobody really talks about. The ones that naturally fade away do so because of circumstance, maybe they were only drinking buddies. The others cut a little bit deeper.
It’s been almost three years now since I’ve been sober. Yes, I feel better, healthier, & more grounded than ever but my social life has changed, big time. The Linda with alcohol? She was the life of the party or at least I thought I was. People loved Drunk Linda & I think at some level, I convinced myself that I loved her too. But the truth? I didn’t. I didn’t like who I was with alcohol. Sure, she was hilarious (or so everyone said), but she was also a bit of a nightmare. I knew that had to change.
Now, without alcohol, I’m quieter, maybe a bit more reserved - apparently that makes me less fun to some people. And that’s okay. What I’ve realised is that when you stop drinking, you unintentionally become a mirror for other people’s habits. You shine a light on the fact that they haven’t made the same choice.
Let me tell you, that can make people uncomfortable. Not because you're judging them, but because they feel judged. Suddenly, your decision to quit drinking becomes a reminder to them of something they haven't chosen to do.
And that judgment? It’s all in their heads. I couldn't care less what anyone else drinks or does with their lives. But your presence becomes a sort of unspoken "elephant" in the room. This can be really tough for some people to deal with.
Here’s the thing, it’s their problem, not yours. You’re not the issue, but you will still lose friends because of it. The invites will dry up. You’ll start to notice you weren’t included in that spontaneous night out or dinner, which you may see on social media the next day. Yes, it’ll sting, but what I’ve learned is that this has nothing to do with you being boring or uncool- it’s their discomfort, their issues, not yours.
So, if you're thinking about giving up alcohol, or even just cutting back, be prepared for this. People may fall away & it can be lonely at times. You’ll also find that it opens up space for a new circle of people who get it, people who don't rely on alcohol for fun, relaxation or connection.
You might feel like you’re standing alone at first, trust me, you're not.
One of the most liberating lessons I've learned in this process is letting go of other people's opinions. They might think you're not as fun or exciting, but that’s their view & you can’t control what other people think.
What you can control is how you live your life, and for me, living it sober has been nothing short of transformative.
If you’re on the fence about giving up alcohol, just know that while it may be challenging, it will also be one of the most empowering things you’ll ever do for yourself. You may lose a few friends, but what you'll gain is a clearer sense of who you are and what you truly want. And that? That’s worth everything.
Since giving up alcohol I have been diagnosed with ADHD suspected AuDHD. I've talked about the coping mechanisms I put in place previously for ADHD (when I didn't know I had ADHD), early mornings, movement, social monitoring. What I didn't have in place was a coping mechanism for Motherhood, losing a career that I loved and Covid. It transpires that my coping mechanism for all of this was alcohol. And on March 11th 2022, I decided I'd had enough! I was done with alcohol.
I googled the words "giving up alcohol before adhd diagnosis" and my gosh it is sooo interesting, many people who quit drinking are either late diagnosed, undiagnosed or non-diagnosed ADHD. In my opinion it takes huge strength of character to remove the thing from your life that you believe is helping your life, that society says is ok and it is essentially only making things worse.
Some days are difficult, some days are a breeze. I know many are on the fence about meds but my gosh, for me! LIFE-CHANGING.....focus...calm...quiet for a space of time that I need to grow my business. That's it my meds are not for my self-care (I developed a system for that!), my meds are not for the time with my family (I developed a system for that). Talk to any person with ADHD they have developed a system for something they didn't know they needed system for.
As for ADHD meds and alcohol, what can I say? I've never mixed. I had my last drink on March 11th 2022 and took my first Tyvanse on January 2024. I've never mixed and I'm grateful for that.
So, here’s to the quieter, more intentional version of fun & to finding a new kind of community that doesn’t need a drink but possibly require meds to to celebrate life.
If you want to find out more a about Life Without Alcohol take a look at the clip below and sign up to The Habit Boss YouTube Channel click here
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